What Makes A Great Relationship: Review of “Reboot Your Relationship”

This is a review of the book, Reboot Your Relationship, written by Joe Whitcomb and Savanna Ellis. Joe Whitcomb brings more than 20 years of relevant experience to his work as a relationship coach and therapist. Savannah Ellis has coached thousands of couples and individuals from Sydney, Australia to Las Vegas, USA to help them achieve their relationship and personal goals. Her passion is to help people be authentic to themselves and others.

According to Joe Whitcomb and Savanna Ellis, “there are thousands of studies and reports on the elements of great relationships and marriages.

Here are some of the common characteristics of a great relationship as stated in their book, “Reboot Your Relationship” (http://www.amazon.com/Reboot-Your-Relationship-Connection-Discconnected/dp/1490942823)

  • Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in:

Your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.

  • Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy:

A couple should almost be as one, a single unit, but at the same time one is not a clone of the other.

  • Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations:

That connection you have with one another is part emotional and part physical; one failing will affect the other and thence the couple as a whole. Keep it safe in its own special place.

  • For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby’s entrance into the marriage:

Parenthood should not be considered an inconvenience intruding into your relationship, but rather a physical manifestation of the love the two of you share for one another.

  • Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple:

What goes on between you and your partner, for good and for bad, is really no on else’s business but your own. Others need to respect that boundary and keep their meddling noses out, including parents. Many a relationship has been ruined by the well-intentioned interference of in-laws and friends.

  • Confront and master the inevitable crises of life: As the saying goes (to paraphrase), stuff happens.

The trick is not to run from the problems that arise, but to confront and solve these problems… together.

  • Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity:

No matter what, that bond the two of you share should be the strongest thing in your Universe. Your home could be flooded, your kids near death, and your dog run over by a train, but you should still be there for one another even in the worst of it all. A house divided cannot stand, and neither can a couple divided.

  • The relationship should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict:

A good relationship is one in which both people feel they can express any grievances they have against one another, discuss and argue them through to resolution, and yet know that they will still be there for one another, still love each other after all is said and done.

  • Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation:

Humor is the cure for all ills. It’s a great means of bringing people together, of allowing you to see a problem for the very minor obstacle that it is, and for reminding people why they got together in the first place.

  • Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partner’s needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support: Would not your right hand tenderly nurse your left hand when it is cut? You are more than simply two separate people, but this needs to be constantly demonstrated, one to the Be there for your mate’s hurts and doubts, but also for their joys and dreams, as the other will in turn be here for yours.
  • Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time:

How many times have you seen news reports of old couples married some sixty years and seen that they still have the look of doe-eyed teenagers in their eyes for one another?

The book highlights the four types of love, what makes men and women fall in love, the 7 elements of love, fixing it, coping strategies, bringing it all together and so much more!!

GET THE BOOK! IT IS AMAZING!! This is a must for anyone who wants deep, honest, authentic, and passionate relationships!

Please comment below. I would love to hear about your experiences. For more tips on living a stress free life, clean eating or relationships sign up for my FREE audio and ebook above.

Positive Conversations = Good Chemistry

It is no surprise that our thoughts control our emotions or that we have 20,000 – 50,000+ thoughts a day in our minds depending on if you are a deep thinker.  It is also no surprise that much of our thoughts come from our work environment or from people we hang out with on a daily or weekly basis.  What’s disturbing about these 50,000 thoughts per day is that the vast majority of them are gibberish or negative. We often dwell on our  past or future, obsessing about mistakes we might have made,  battling guilt because of our “shoulds” , planning ahead or worrying. We are constantly daydreaming of fantasy, fiction and negativity.  Every thought stimulates our brain and causes certain hormones to be produced.  Thus, chemistry plays a significant role as our autonomic nervous system is stimulated.  The autonomic nervous system is responsible for our “fight or flight” or “rest and digest” responses.

According to Judith E. Glaser,  CEO of Benchmark Communications, Inc., and the Chairman of The Creating WE Institute. “To get to the next level of greatness depends on the quality of the culture, which depends on the quality of relationships, which depends on the quality of conversations. Everything happens through conversations.”  For example, if we feel criticized, rejected, or hurt, our fight or flight response kicks in. The result is higher levels of cortisol and noradrenaline being produced.  The longer we feel those negative feelings, the longer cortisol is released in our bodies (slowly over time).  So, when we think positive thoughts our bodies produce good hormones such as oxytocin which make us feel good.

The following graph depicts the results of  The CreatingWE Institute, also partnered with Ryan Smith, CEO of Qualtrics, the world’s largest online survey software company, to analyze the frequency of negative (cortisol-producing) versus positive (oxytocin-producing) interactions between managers and their employees in today’s workplace.  The results are astounding and demonstrate how our behaviors in our relationships do indeed affect our neurochemistry.  

 

There is a quote that states this well, “If you knew how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” — Peace Pilgrim.  This is not only a problem among leaders, but it has become a BAD HABIT in our society in general.  I am astounded by the many conversations I hear on a regular basis that are negative.  Obviously, we will have negative thoughts from time to time but if we are mindful in our thoughts and our feedback, then we will stimulate oxytocin, the good feeling hormone.  I will be much more mindful of  my thoughts and conversations, how about you?

Below is an award winning book by Judith E. Glaser as well as a pdf.  If you click on the Creating We logo, you can sign up for their newsletter and be part of their future articles.  

 

 

 

 

 

Here is a pdf with great information!

 

 

 

 

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