What I have Learned from my Close Friendships in the last Two Months

“Only when we surrender how we want another person to love us does that love prosper and find an authentic way to reach us” ~ Paul Ferrini, Grace

 I have learned quite a lot about FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) in the past two months. My inner critic committee has surfaced in which I have made some decisions about love, life and friendships.

I was taking a risk and putting my authentic self out there with my new friends. It was not easy as I realized I loved one my closest friends. He has many gifts especially as a spiritual leader, writer, musician, and the inspirational messages he shares with the world. With sweetness, clarity, authenticity and simplicity we are directed to the truth and spirit within.

For me, the challenge was to not live with the Fear of being hurt because we’ve all been hurt many times in our lives by family, friends, lovers, and others.  I feared that I would not be worthy enough for him or that someone else would sweep him off his feet. That inner critic committee had surfaced once again!! I took a risk and opened my heart because I wanted to love and be loved. This was not easy as I had to be open, honest and um, the most vulnerable I’d ever been. So, I was honest and told him that I loved him.

Although he was not in the same place as me, he told me he honored those feelings. I was very grateful as I was on an emotional roller coaster ride wanting a relationship but fear was surfacing. He was very caring and compassionate especially during some of our intense conversations.

As wild as this ride was I learned some valuable lessons. Honesty is the best policy even if it is a maybe. I learned I could hear the truth that he did not feel the same way about me and honor where he is on his journey. Close friends can be very honest with each other as we have each other’s best interest at heart and still maintain the friendship! What a great gift in life! I learned that I could love and accept a friend for who he is without seeking a romantic relationship. Fun is very important and that I don’t need to have heart to heart conversations all the time…this was fear driven.

Most importantly, I learned I needed to let the journey unfold patiently in all relationships much like the butterfly dries her wings before she can fly. You cannot force or keep talking about it. Have FUN, enjoy quality time with friends and enjoy the journey!! When we let go of what we think life is supposed to be does it have a chance to reach us! That is Grace. As Paul Ferrini states, “Only when we surrender how we want another person to love us does that love prosper and find an authentic way to reach us.”

A close friend said, “It is something beyond our capacity to understand. I feel this. Life, destiny chooses us. You are here for a reason. Move forward. Ask only for courage and strength.” I prayed for courage and strength through this journey these last two months. I turned to my spiritual foundation and stopped doubting and questioning.

Do I want a relationship with a significant other in my life? Yes, I trust that will happen someday and I know I am worthy of such love.

This has been one of the most empowering journeys as I emerge authentically…the real me.  No masks, no lies, no facades, no blame, no shame, and no games!

As my soul evolves and the butterfly emerges, I shed my limiting thoughts and beliefs and, um, those habits that no longer serve me.  I spend a great deal of time meditating, praying, exercising, connecting to nature and practicing self-care. I spend quality time with close friends who love me and get me. Thank you to all of you who walk the journey with me!!

Please comment below as I would love to hear about your journey!!

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